Daily Practice - February

[bluidkiti]

February 3

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 73-
Ch 6- Into Action:
More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it.
The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension-that makes for more drinking.

-Tom- before AA, at times when I was not drinking, I was a fairly decent person. Little rough around the edges but not too bad. I presented an image, to the outside world, I thought was pretty good and generally who I wanted to be. I did a lot of good things.
Inside my mind though, it sounded like this “they really wouldn’t love you if they knew you, you really are a piece of **** and don’t deserve anything good, you know this is just a show, you know you are going to screw this all up again, you know this isn’t true.......etc.
Then when I drank...the inside became the outside and all Hell would break loose.
Those 2 paragraphs describe my living Hell that is defined as: untreated Alcoholism.
Thank God we have a treatment for untreated alcoholism. It is called The Program and The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I pray that today I have the Courage to follow the treatment Programming of the 12 Steps and utilize The Power of The Fellowship, in my life.