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Humor "We Are Not A Glum Lot." Share Articles, Humor, Inspirations, Jokes, News, Poems, Quotes, Writings, etc. Here. Keep It Clean Please. |
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03-23-2020, 07:01 AM | #1 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 74,215
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Funny Musings
Funny Musings
My young daughter was wearing a beat up old watch a friend had given her. I asked her, "Does it tell the time?" My daughter looked at me and said, "No, you have to look at it." -------- When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. -------- Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself." Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job." -------- Cop: "Please step out of the car." Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in." -------- I think I can faintly remember that there was a day when I was able to get up without making sound effects. -------- Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. -------- When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say 'nothing,' it doesn't mean that I am free, it means I am doing nothing. -------- When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?" -------- When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery? -------- I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited. -------- It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles. -------- That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master. -------- The older I get, the earlier it gets late. -------- My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
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"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
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