Introduce Yourself

[Cedeines]

I am 42, raised in a dysfunctional split house, which I lay no burden on. I was truly loved, my father died when I was as 7 and although the visits were not regular, my father's dad loved me, I felt it to my bones every time he hugged me and I saw it in the tears every time he walked away. My issues were in his absence. I started drinking at 10ish, had my first beer with a family member by 12, we are German/polish and alcohol was part of ever family function. Fast forward... I have always maintained my career. I am a functional alcoholic. I recently quit drinking for 9 months, them... I went for a ride without my colors, I can not drink while wearing my colors, it is forbidden. And I would not stop at my old biker bar hang outs unless I was on my bike. You know the rest, those 2 beers led to 2 months of solid drinking. Then I reached out to some brothers, and bam, I was sober again... Now here I am on vacation, and the condo we have rented has one locked door, I start to think about what is behind that door. Wow, so easy to open, so I do... There sits a half gallon of kettle one, and without a second of thought I am chugging it down. I am a beast among beasts, I fear no one. But I am so weak....