Sharing and Caring - ESH

[MajestyJo]

This addict used alcohol, pills and men.

I recalled a story last night when talking to a friend. I wasn't even drinking, and didn't realy drink much back then, and hadn't had a drink all day.

My husband had hit me and I called my aunt to come and get me. I got a call from my husband's first cousin asking me if I wanted to go to Carabana. It was the first time that Carabana appeared in Ontario. I was hurt and bruised and I said sure. He was staying with my husband's mother and we got back there and no one was around and the two of us "made out" in my mother-in-law's bed. She never liked me when I was with her son, but after we broke up she was all friendly probably because she wanted to see her grandson. Her grandson hadn't even been conceived though when this happened.

My aunt belong to a church called Bethany Gospel Hall and I went there with her and was later married in this church. It had a drive in church service on Sunday nights, so he took me there to meet my aunt so I could go home with her. We just pulled into a parking spot at the rear and along comes my husband, parks beside us, and get in the passenger side of the car. There I was, sitting in the middle of my husband and his cousin who I had just had sex with. My husband said he wanted to talk to me, that he was sorry, and la, di, da and little old me took him back. This same cousin married my husband's sister, (two first-cousins marrying each other and have two kids) and became my brother-in-law for a short time, but shortly after their wedding my divorce went through. My son was conceived on the rebound, when I was pregnant my husband resumed his running around (he ran around with another woman when we were seven months marred and fessed up to that and I forgave him) and the night my son was born, he was with another woman and when son was two months old he moved in with her. I had only changed one diaper in my life before my son was born. I was terrified. I went and stayed with a girlfriend so she could show me how it was done. The first night home, my husband slammed the bedroom door at 8:30 p.m. and said, "Keep that kid quiet, I want to go to sleep I have to get up in the morning to go to work!" He had sold all our furniture which I had bought as a part of my trousseau and moved us into a furnished apartment. When he left the landlady didn't want a single mom living there and I had to leave. The first time of six that I started my life from scratch. We only drank on pay day if we went out some where and when we had a party which I think was twice. I went with a guy for a year afterward and only had one glass of champagne during that relationship, but when I moved back up home when my son was two, I became my father's drinking buddy.

It showed me last night that it was about "If you don't love me, I will find someone who does!" I thought I was less than, not loveable or my husband wouldn't have run around on me. He told me I had ugly legs and that is one of the old tapes I have had trouble getting by with my swollen feet and legs.

I have been truly blessed by having my friend in my life. Last night he said, "Right now there is no place in this world I would rather be!" My friend called while I was out and when I returned her call she informed me that she planned to marry the man she has in her life in July 2006 if not sooner if finances permit. She said, "My boyfriend was invited and I said, "If he doesn't run away before then, and he replied, "There is no fear of that!" He has asked me to speak for his 5 year CA anniversary on July 30th. It will be the first time I have spoken in front of a room as an addict. I have spoken over 60 times in AA. I was sharing with a guy I knew from NA who started CA here in Hamilton, and he said, "We will get to hear a new story." I said, "No you will get to hear an old story in a new way!"

Posted in January 2007 on Recovery Inn

Thanks for letting me share.