Sharing and Caring - ESH

[MajestyJo]

In early recovery, I can remember bemoaning all the years that I wasted. All the years that I stayed in my denial about being the 'one' with the problem. My life was full of 'if only`s' and would have/could have/should haves.

Now that I am growing older, it took me a while to get to that stage of acceptance too. I never felt old, not realizing that in many ways, I didn't grow up. Now I have to accept that I am growing older and I can't do what I use to do.

I was told in treatment to get in touch with myself and my inner child. I had no concept. I am not sure if it was because nothing special, just same old, same old, positive happened and I didn`t remember, whether I just blocked things out and closed this down because of seeing my brother killed when I was 3.

I told a friend and she said, `What do you mean, you are just one big kid who never grew up.` Maybe she was right, I certain feel young in spirit most days.