Jealousy

[MajestyJo]

Can you remember the last time you felt jealous? Can you remember the sting, the emptiness, the pain you caused yourself?

Jealousy corrosive as acid, is probably the most successful killer of relationships. Jealousy is not attractive, it is not a compliment, it doesn nothing but drive the lover or friend away. Why does it happen? How do you get it out of your life?

SOURCES OF JEALOUSY:

1. NEED: a belief that without your lover your life will be meaningless, you will collapse, and you will never find another lover. This kind of person tries to dump responsibility for creating happiness in his own life at his lover's feet.

2. FEAR: Some people fear that they are essily replaceable. this arises from a lack of sufficient love and respect for one's self.

3. DESIRE FOR CONTROL: if you are hooked on power and manipulation, jealousy is a desire to control a lover's activities. Most likely this desire has nothing to do with love or caring.

4. CREATING A LOSING SITUATION: Some people unconsciously want to prove their unworhiness by setting up a jealous situation thereby causing themselves pain.

FIRST AID:

1. BECOME WHOLE IN YOURSELF

When you know tht you're strong and can take care of yourself you ARE who you are looking for! You have more to bring to a relationship because there's more of you. By appreciating yourself and being all you need, you learn to accept unconditionally the person you love.

2. LOVE YOURSELF

The more self-esteem and confidence you have the less likely you are to feel jealous. You can believe you'll find a wonderful new partner if this one goes away. The more you love yourself, the easier it is to love another without conditions.

3. WE NEVER OWN ANYONE-WE ONLY BORROW THEM FOR AWHILE

You cannot control anothers love period, if you push yourself on someone, it wil backfire. You can only attrract someone to your side with care and love.

4. LOOK FOR YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IN A BAD SITUATION

Ask yourself did I create this situation to prove that:

I am unworthy?
I am a failure?
I can never get (orkeep) what I want?
Men/women are not to be trusted?
I always get hurt in love?
I now have an excuse to get rid of my partner?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPEAT THIS KIND OF PAIN

You always set it up (mostly unconsciously) so you learn lessons that are important for you. You can't blame others for your jealousy, you created the situation! Look deeper and you' uncov er your self defeating patterns. This takes some courage, but when you can see what you do to yourself, you learned 80% of the lesson. Now you need to act on that awareness.

TODAY'S EXERCISE:

Whenever you find yourself drowning in negative, seperating emotions, try first to express love to the person from whom you feel separated if you are too far gone, take a few deep breaths and really get in touch with what you are feeling. Listen to yourself or pound on a pillow. Then ask yourself: what am I telling myself that is causing these emotions? What's the worst that could happen?

Ask yourself what you need right now, has this need created these feelings before? Are you willing to let go of that need? have you had enough suffering?

When you are ready to give up the pain, visualize yourself as you would like to be, strong, free, loving. Start today to break out of your robot-like pattern. Only you can free yourself.

TODAY'S THOUGHT:

Freedom is in choosing to give up pain.

TODAY'S WORDS:

"I am now ready to give up control. I no longer hurt myself. I am strong and wonderful and free."

- from 30 days to happiness by Liah Kraft-Kristaine