Today's Thought - September

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September 16

Detaching in Love

Detachment is a key to recovery from codependency. It strengthens our healthy relationships—the ones that we want to grow and flourish. It benefits our difficult relationships— the ones that are teaching us to cope. It helps us!

Detachment is not something we do once. It’s a daily behavior in recovery. We learn it when we’re beginning our recovery from codependency and adult children issues. And we continue to practice it along the way as we grow and change, and as our relationships grow and change.

We learn to let go of people we love, people we like, and those we don’t particularly care for. We separate ourselves, and our process, from others and their process.

We relinquish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good, even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well.

Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can’t let go completely, I’ll try to “hang on loose."

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations on Codependency

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September 17

Sometimes I’m awfully impressed by fools.

~Kelly Q.

The man who said this memorable line had once believed he might feel better about himself if only he owned more. As an adult child, he felt he had missed out on something and somehow got the idea he could achieve peace by acquisition. So he started to collect things like boats, expensive new cars, better clothes, and so on. His models were people who had all the toys he was now collecting. He listened to them, followed them around, and imitated them. They were his heroes.

Luckily, it didn’t take him too long to discover the truth. As he got to know these people, he saw they were no happier because of what they had. One or two of them were happy, but their happiness didn’t depend on what they had. The rest of them, he learned, were fools who mindlessly looked for joy and meaning outside themselves.

This man’s “recovery by acquisition” experiment was only a slight detour, and he is back on the road to healthy thinking.

He is no fool.

Today, I thank God for peace and happiness and remember these riches are inside, not outside, me.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy, Daily Meditations for Adult Children

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September 18

If you were going to die soon and had only one call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

~Stephen Levine

When we were in the depths of our addiction, we could not be truly present in our relationships. We could not do the work of being caring and responsible. We were too focused on using alcohol or drugs to change our own feelings.

Now that we are sober, we can change. We clean up our messes when we work Steps Eight and Nine. We list the people we have harmed, think about it, and then we make amends to them.

Cleaning up our old messes makes us free to start over. We keep a better eye on our own behavior as we take our inventory every day in Step Ten, and we become decent, real human beings. We make real friends. Family members begin to trust us with their love. Our new sober life gradually fills up with people.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me be a real human being today. Help me understand my importance to others and treat my relationships with the respect they deserve.
Today's Action

I will imagine that I don’t have long to live and have only one call I can make. Who will I call, and what will I say? And why am I waiting? I will make that call today. If I need support, I will get it from a friend.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me, More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple

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September 19

When you’re down and out, something always turns up—and it’s usually the noses of your friends.

~Orson Welles

Friends ought to stand by us in adversity, and many do so. But if our sex addiction becomes public knowledge, we may find ourselves isolated. Friends drop away, lovers leave, children retreat into incomprehension.

Now we really need support. We know we cannot go it alone; we have been alone too long. We need the strength that comes from other people.

This is when we come to acknowledge the power of the group. Our program is based on the affection, strength, and caring of our fellow sufferers, many of whom have been in dark and lonely places, too. They understand; they are our brothers and sisters in sickness and in health. They understand and they do not condemn us; they have compassion that comes from fellowship in suffering. As we learn to trust them, we participate in a new communion of friendship that gives us strength and love.

I need support, and I am finding it through my program and in my group.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart, Daily Meditations for Men and Women Recovering from Sex Addiction

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September 20

Serving

Serenity or peace of mind is accomplished by very few people in the world. True happiness will come to the person who seeks and finds how to serve others.

~Anonymous

We are overjoyed that our giving and sharing is called volunteering. If, in carrying the message of hope, we are volunteers, we are happy to be among those who are volunteers in its purest form. We welcome a chance to serve.

There are no honor rolls, awards, money, or trophies. We give for the pure joy of helping. Our greatest rewards come in the form of a firm handshake or a hug from someone to whom we’ve given. Sometimes it’s the gratitude in the eyes of a family member. That is enough.

I want to practice the advice not to seek glory for kindnesses I perform. I can never be happy if I depend on material rewards for what I have given.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It, A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations

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September 21

God is no enemy to you. He asks no more than that He hear you call Him “Friend.”

~A Course in Miracles

It is natural for us to take a bit of pride in where we find ourselves today. It is natural for self-centered people like us to think we owe it all to our own efforts. So it’s an imposition to be asked to turn our will over to our Creator. We sometimes feel resentful at the suggestion that God can do a better job of running our life.

We don’t even want to think about the sacrifices we might have to make with God in charge. But God doesn’t ask for sacrifice. God is not our enemy; we are. God only asks, as our friend, to be included in our decisions.

My prayer today: Thanks, Friend, for my continuing recovery. Join me in everything that I do today.

I will help myself grow today.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care, Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery

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September 22

An element of recovery is learning that we deserve success, the good things that come to us, and also that pain is a reality. We have the strength to deal with that pain without medicating, and it will pass.

~Dudley Martineau

Many of us didn't understand the changing variables in being human. Our coping skills were at a minimum until we discovered what alcohol or pills, even food, could do for us. And then, a drink or two-or six, maybe-got us through many a lonely evening.

The desire for an easy solution might still haunt us, but time, new experiences, and program friends have taught us that our past habits weren't really easy solutions. In reality, they increased our problems and led us nowhere.

The Steps and the principles of the program, if applied, guarantee success, living success. We come to believe that strength enough to handle any situation is ours for the asking. And experience with these principles shows us that when we live the way our conscience dictates, the rewards are many.

Every day, especially this one facing us, our choices and decisions will be many. But there is only one solution to any problem, and that's the one our higher power guides us to. The answer, the choice, always lies within, and the good life will accompany our thoughtful, reverent choices.

The power of the program is mine for the taking. All of today's problems can be eased, if I choose to do so.

Today's reading is from the book Each Day a New Beginning, Daily meditations for Women

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September 23

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.

~John Burroughs

In the Twelve Steps, we see the term God several times. But from the program’s beginning, there have been atheists and agnostics using and valuing the Steps as their guide for life. Many men do not relate to a personal God. They do, however, experience the meaning and spirit of their group and the restoring powers of nature. That is why the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous included the phrase “God as we understood Him.”

Whether a personal God is real to us or not, nature is there for us as a healing and refreshing source. We don’t have to go on a major trip to the mountains or fishing in the wilderness to find this source. We find it in the sky, the clouds, and the magical moon; we find it in the intricate structure of a leaf, a massive tree in the park, or a wild bird on a window ledge. There is no more clear evidence of the generous gifts that come unbidden than in nature. And we can rest in the Power greater than ourselves shown in creation and the forces of nature.

Today, I will be soothed and healed by nature all around.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones, More Daily Meditations for Men

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September 24

AA Thought for the Day

Before I met AA, I was very dishonest. I lied to my spouse constantly about where I had been and what I’d been doing. I took time off from my work and pretended I’d been sick or gave some other dishonest excuse. I was dishonest with myself, as well as with other people. I would never face myself as I really was or admit when I was wrong. I pretended to myself that I was as good as the next person, although I suspected I wasn’t. Am I now really honest?
Meditation for the Day

I must live in the world and yet live apart with God. I can go forth from my secret times of communion with God to the work of the world. To get the spiritual strength I need, my inner life must be lived apart from the world. I must wear the world as a loose garment. Nothing in the world should seriously upset me, as long as my inner life is lived with God. All successful living arises from this inner life.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live my inner life with God. I pray that nothing shall invade or destroy that secret place of peace.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day, A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life

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September 25

But don't go into Mr. McGregor's garden.

~Beatrix Potter

Since we are members of a family, we are not free to do anything we like. We may not be able to go as far from home as we would like. We may have to get up earlier in the morning than we would like. We may have only limited use of the car. Families set up limits in order to maintain order and happiness. If each of us demanded something different for supper each night, the situation would be unmanageable.

Limits also keep us safe. When Peter Rabbit was told not to go into Mr. McGregor's garden, it was for his own good. Limits and restrictions are a form of love and protection, and we all have them. When we bump up against one of these limits, we can be assured they serve to point us in another direction, one with freedoms of its own which we may never have explored without being forced to.

What freedom can I discover in a limitation today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift, Daily Meditations for Families

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September 26

No human creature can give orders to love.

~George Sand

If we’re trying to get others to love us, all we’re really doing is trying to be in control. Trying to control others can be a powerful drug. Remember, we can’t control others. We can’t make others love us. Our Higher Power has control, not us.

So, what do we need to do? Turn things over to our Higher Power and just be ourselves.

Sure, it can scare us to just be ourselves. The truth is, not everyone will love us. But if we’re honest about who we are, others will respect us. We’ll like ourselves better. And we’ll have a better chance of loving others and being loved.
Prayer for the Day

I pray to have my need for control lifted from me. I pray to be rid of self-will.
Action for the Day

Today I’ll list five ways my self-will—my need to control—has gotten me in trouble.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple, Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal

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September 27

Anyone who lives art knows that psychoanalysis has no monopoly on the power to heal. Art and poetry have always been altering our ways of sensing and feeling—that is to say, altering the human body.

~Norman O. Brown

A man can lead a healing life on many levels. On one level, many of us have turned to healing professionals for help. That may strengthen our program and be very beneficial for many of our problems.

Relationships heal when they are loving, affirming, reliable, committed, and loyal. Nature heals: a tree, a walk through tall grass, a dry seedpod, or a potted plant gives life when we turn in its direction. Beauty heals: music, a poem, a novel, or a picture may move us to another plane and teach us about life. Meditation heals: solitude, quiet relaxation, prayer, and cosmic conscious ness bring an inner peace. Laughter heals. Physical activity heals. Doing something for others helps us. At the basic level, accepting ourselves as lovable men, just as we are, is the foundation for all healing.

The forces for renewal and wholeness are varied. May I reach out to them and be healed by them.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones, A Book of Daily Meditations for Men

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September 28

Repairing the damage

It really doesn’t matter how much we used or drank. The important thing is what it was doing to us, how it was affecting our lives. The biggest cop-out for people with addiction has always been, “I’m not using as much as other people, so maybe I’m not addicted.”

We couldn’t admit what using was doing to our lives, our families, and friends. It nearly destroyed us, but now we have a chance to repair the damage. If we are willing to accept ourselves and to turn our will and our lives over to our Higher Power, we can restore our lives.

Do I clearly see the destruction that my using caused?

Higher Power, help me today to accept my addiction and to stop using excuses to avoid the task of recovery.

One thing I will do today to begin repairing the damage caused by my using is…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day, Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts

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September 29

Reflection for the Day

Those of us who find recovery choose to admit that we’re personally powerless over our addictions. In the program, as we surrender to our Higher Power, we develop a new, healthy dependence, even if it simply takes the shape of a dependence upon our group. Have I chosen to try for a life of honesty and humility, of selfless service to my fellows and my Higher Power?
Today I Pray

May I grow the wisdom to know the difference between “willpower” (which has failed me before) and “willingness” to seek help for my addiction, through my Higher Power and through others who are also recovering. May I know that there are choices open to me as there are to my fellow sufferers in the foggiest stages of addiction. May I choose the kind of life that my Higher Power wants for me.
Today I Will Remember

Willingness, more than willpower, is the key to recovery.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time, Daily Reflections for Recovering People

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September 30

It’s only moment by moment that we experience life.

Worrying distorts our perception of an experience. It takes away the spontaneous joy that we might have known. Even more troubling, it compromises our ability to be present in the moment. When we worry, we aren’t in touch with what is happening in the present. Meanwhile, our lives can pass us by.

There are so many things we can learn from Al-Anon or other Twelve Step programs. We can learn to live in the here and now. We can adopt a new set of values if the ones we’ve been living by serve us no more. We can learn from the experiences of others how to save ourselves from unnecessary pain. We can get to know our assets and our defects. And we can learn to rebuild bridges to link ourselves with other people, bridges that were burned in the past.

Changing our lives with the help of the program gives us hope that we can begin to experience God’s plan for us as it unfolds moment by moment. Nothing can bring us greater freedom.

I can live in the present moment. With determination I can let my worries go.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own, Meditations on Hope and Acceptance