Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - October

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October 1

Why Deaden Your Feelings?

Some addicted people feel more intensely, and this holds true for all feelings pain, love, envy, hate, joy, pride, or compassion. When the addict recovers and abstains, what happens to those feelings? The person learns to handle them without recourse to chemicals, but the intensity does not change. So if you are a recovering person, you have paid a price for your heightened emotional sensitivity. You probably are hurt more easily and feel pain more intensely. However, these feelings make you so much more human, more interesting, and more lovable.

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October 2

The Price of Self-Knowledge

I often say to the newcomer, today you think being an addict is terrible, but after a year of sobriety, you will discover it is not so terrible. Perhaps after two years you will say you are a grateful addict, meaning you are grateful for your recovery. Later you will mean you are grateful for being an addict. Because by then you will have realized your growth in personality and spirituality could never have been attained without going through addiction and recovery. Being an addict is a high price to pay for self-awareness, but things that are truly precious and valuable do not come cheap.

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October 3

Learn From Your Mistakes

'I God created humans, but human beings continue to create themselves. People are complex organisms, composed of genes that constitute the past; impressions of the environment which include our parents, teachers, and friends; and our own actions. There may not be much we can do about the first two components, but our actions are within our domain-to do or not to do. The writer Oscar Wilde said, 'It is not what one does that is wrong, but what one becomes as a consequence of it.' Anything we do does not remain external to us, but becomes part of our character. A good deed makes us better, and a bad deed makes us worse. The changes that our actions make in ourselves are not cast in stone and can be undone. This is why amends work and why they are necessary .Unless we make amends, we allow the effects that a wrong act had on our personality to remain. Even though we would not repeat these wrong acts, it is as though we served delicious food with dirty hands. Making amends is a cleansing process.Whatever we were created is the raw material of which we are made. With our actions we fashion ourselves into the ultimate object.

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October 4

Pray for the Courage to Change

While mind involvement is crucial for recovery, it frequently is not there at the beginning. We still show denial and resistance to considering ourselves addicted, we fear giving up chemicals and we fear change. Sobriety requires not only abstinence, but changes in attitude, behavior, priorities, and friends. It is easy to become complacent after several years of abstinence, and to think we have made all essential changes. This is not true. Why else do we say the Serenity Prayer? Why else do we pray for the courage to change?

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October 5

Move Beyond Self-Pity

If we indulge in self-pity, we are not likely to stop chemical use. If we have abstained and begin to feel sorry for ourselves, we are likely to relapse. Self-pity is the result of feeling shortchanged. However, no one owes us anything. It is we who are obligated, and we owe the world. Seeking to do God's will is the realization that we are here to do are here to do the bidding of the Higher Power rather than to enjoy ourselves. We are not deprived of anything. This idea helps avoid self-pity. Sobriety requires an attitude that we are to be givers rather than takers.

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October 6

Helping Others Understand Our Changes

Recovery is not a quick process. The person who will emerge from this process is totally unknown. To people who knew the active addict, this may be bewildering. But they can get help and insight by participating in family therapy and in Al-Anon family groups. Should they decide not to reestablish the relationship, the experience and personal growth of participating in these programs is extremely valuable. The addict has no option but to change and grow, because his very life depends on it. Participation in the family program can provide the opportunity to understand the recovering person.

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October 7

Be Receptive to the Truth

A man admitted for his fourth detox was still intoxicated. I told him, Jim, go and sleep it off. I'll talk to you later. After two years of sobriety, Jim told me he thought to himself that morning, I am so drunk, Abe can't even talk to me. He fell to his knees and for the first time said, God, help me now. My comment impacted him because he was receptive to hearing what he had not been able to hear before. We can only pray we are able to see and hear the truth. We also must overcome stubbornness and consider that other's observations might be right.

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October 8

Wisdom and Experience

Ethel was 34 on her eighth admission for withdrawal from heroin prior to the time of treatment centers and NA. She confronted me angrily, How can you believe in God? If there was a just God, would be allow you to do something when you're not old enough to know better and be cursed because of it for the rest of your life? We may question why we have our greatest wisdom when we are at retirement age and need it least. The Divine plan is for energetic youth to be guided by its wiser elders. Too bad this plan is not widely implemented.

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October 9

Seeing Our Faults in Others

Projection is a psychological maneuver whereby we see our own defects in other people. Projection can be a guideline for self-improvement. Anytime we see a fault in someone else, this should alert us we might be projecting. What we have discovered in others really may not exist in them at all, but rather be in ourselves. How wonderful the world would be if every time we felt like criticizing others we stopped and did a careful self-evaluation. We would at least delay our critical remarks and we would come to a more thorough self-awareness.

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October 10

Empathy

Our understanding of what is depends on how deeply we feel. Toward the close of Yom Kippur, a rabbi conducted an appeal for funds for the needy. This was a day on which congregants observed a 24-hour deprivation of food and water. Now that you are hungry, he said, you can better appreciate needs of those who have no food and contribute accordingly. To deal fairly and justly with people, we must empathize with them. It is this empathy that enables one addict to help another. The same empathy should operate among all humans, addicted or non-addicted.

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October 11

Legal Drugs Are Just as Lethal

Medical addiction is no less serious than street addiction. When a person uses addictive-type medications for pain, insomnia, or anxiety, the effectiveness of the dose gradually decreases. Eventually symptoms break through even massive doses, so the suffering person now has an addiction. Treatment for medically induced addiction can be more difficult, but once the addiction is identified and the patient makes a commitment to recover, treatment is feasible. The recovery program, which works so well in helping people cope with stress without resorting to chemicals can also help the medication addict cope with discomfort of pain.

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October 12

Keep Pain in Perspective

A woman in early recovery complained of having a depressing day, but observation indicated she was less depressed than previously. The reason she felt depressed was she had experienced several good days. A depressing day after several other depressing days is not felt as deeply as a less depressing day that follows good days. Recovery tends to take a zigzag course rather than make a smooth upward progression. When several good days are followed by an off day, do not panic. The fact they feel painful may be because you are at a higher level of recovery. That great discomfort may be a sign of healing.

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October 13

Our Purpose In Life

Too often we identify ourselves by what we do rather than by what we are. How can we know what we are? By looking at what we do during our nonworking hours, when we are not engaged in the means for survival. It might be shocking to discover our ultimate purpose in life is to lose ourselves in some diversion. Rest and relaxation are as vital to life as food and water, but after all vital necessities have been met, there should be something for which we live. If we do not have an ultimate goal, we should be occupied in looking for one.

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October 14

Avoid the Superficial

Outward appearances may be impressive, but they are not an indication of value. How surprised we would be to discover that those we envy may be envious of us! It has been said if everyone's life were put in a see-through container, and we had the freedom to choose, we would all choose our own life. Roses are prettier than cabbages and much more fragrant, but cabbages make far better soup. If all we want is color and fragrance, we should go for the roses. But then we must be ready to accept pretty, sweet-smelling starvation. The real values in life lie in substance and content, not in appearances.

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October 15

Arrogance and Error

It is assumed that error and mistake are synonymous. It was, therefore, enlightening to come across the statement, " An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it." To err is human because no one is perfect. The same leniency cannot be extended to a mistake, because everyone has the capacity to rectify an error, or at least to try. The only obstacle is our ego, which may not allow us to admit having done wrong. Such arrogance is the worst possible character defect. In recovery we learn humility and the need to make amends. If we can admit being in error, we can avoid all mistakes.