Are You An ACoA?

[MajestyJo]

Are You an ACOA?
by Mark Sichel, LCSW

Like it or not, our parents have an impact on our behavior in ways that we may not even realize. When a parent is an alcoholic, the impact on their children can have consequences that follow them into adulthood. If one or both of your parents had a drinking problem while you were growing up, you are an Adult Child Of an Alcoholic (ACOA). Take this quiz and see just how much their drinking has affected your adult life.

Keep track of the number of questions you answer with a YES, and add up your score before consulting the score sheet below:


Is it difficult for you to identify, understand, or express your feelings?


Do you judge yourself more harshly than you do others?


Do you have an extremely strong sense of responsibility?


Do you feel guilty when you stand up for yourself?


Do you find yourself afraid of or intimidated by people, particularly authority figures?


Is the approval of others often more important to you than your own preferences or beliefs?


Are thrills and excitement a necessary part of your life?


When someone gets angry at you, do you shrivel inside?


Does personal criticism make you feel as though you're under attack?


Do you often find yourself feeling isolated and alone?


When things go badly, do you feel like a victim?


Can you answer 'yes' to a lot of questions found on an "are you an alcoholic" questionnaire although you never pick up a drink?


Are you more concerned for others than for yourself?


Do you find yourself constantly trying to rescue others, whether it's a friend, relative or lover?


Are you uncomfortable with intimacy and revealing yourself to another person?


Do you find yourself hanging onto relationships that aren't healthy?


Have you ever confused pity for love?


Are you currently involved with an alcoholic?


Are you currently involved with any kind of compulsive personality - such as a workaholic?


Have you ever been involved with an alcoholic or a compulsive personality?


Do you have a drinking problem?

Add up your score.

0 - 6 You're handling things very well. Just keep an eye on yourself to make sure you don't fall into potential trouble zones. Examine your answers and see if they have a theme. Look at the issues that create the most problems, whether it be in your relationships (questions 13 - 20), or struggling with your own identity (questions 1-12).

7 - 14 Things aren't terrible, but they could be better. No need to settle for "not terrible," however. Make the effort to raise your self-esteem and clear out the obstacles that are getting in the way of fulfilling your dreams.

15 - 21 The past is casting a heavy shadow over you. Sadness, fear, and frustration rear their heads all too often. Don't sweep your feelings under the rug. It's time to face what's going on so that you can turn it around. Get out from under by getting help. It is possible to change old patterns!

Yes to #21 You are following in your parent's footsteps. Don't let your parent's addiction overwhelm your life. Don't give up on yourself. To stop the cycle, seek help now.

Whatever your score, if one or both of your parents are alcoholics, you may want to check out Al-Anon and talk to people who are also living with many of these same issues. It can't hurt, and it could help. For your local chapter, check in the phone book under "Alcoholism" or call 1-800-344-2666 (U.S.) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada).

www.psybersquare.com/recovery/recovery_acoa.html

[MajestyJo]

A good reminder that my dis-ease has many areas that I need to work on and that it is a one day at a time program.

[MajestyJo]

Characteristics of ACOA

Janet Geringer Ph.D list several characteristics that are commonly shared by ACOA. I thought it might help to open communication a little and talk about these issues that many us may share. So here they are and by the way I have experience nearly all of these characteristics.

1. ACOA’s guess at what is normal
2. ACOA’s have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. ACOA’s lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. ACOA judge themselves without mercy
5. ACOA’s having difficulty having fun.
6. ACOA’s take themselves very seriously.
7. ACOA’s have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. ACOA’s overreact to changes over which they have no control.
9. ACOA’s constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. ACOA’s feel that they are different from other people.
11. ACOA’s are either super-responsible or super-irresponsible
12. ACOA’s are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
13. ACOA’s are impulsive. (Lock self on course of action without give proper consideration.

Can anyone share?

[MajestyJo]

Gender, Birth Order and Family Role Identification among Adult Children of Alcoholics.

She labeled her four family roles: "the Hero", "the Scapegoat", "the Lost Child", and "the Mascot". The child fulfilling the Hero role within an alcoholic family appears competent, serious, and overachieving to others, but often feels inadequate and guilty.
This child usually assumes responsibilities greater than those of same age peers, and tends to engage in a wide variety of care-taking behaviors. Heroes receive self-validation through the feedback of others. This child serves the purpose of bringing
esteem to the family system through his or her accomplishments. Heroes are generally well organized, and tend to assume control or responsibility for situations and others. This child often becomes a pseudo-parent/spouse (Goglia et al., 1992) as s/he grows up.

http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2...286-723362_ITM

This is just a small snippet from the article, much to long to post so the link is above for those who'd like to read more.

Don't think I played the Mascot. In fact I was told once that I couldn't be an Orr because I wasn't blond. Maybe that is why I am blond by choice today. That is when I choose, lately I have allowed myself to just be. Very much the Scapegoat, everything was my fault especially if I didn't set a good example to my sisters, according to someone else's principles not mine. Missed out on a lot of things that are normally a part of a child's life. No best friend, no sleep overs, no calling on a friend and talking on the phone, no allowance, and very little TV (we didn't have one until I was 10) and never being able to play games or go outside and have fun on Sunday. So many rules and regulations and a lot of work from the age of 10 on, but head of the household at 14 doing what my mother couldn't do. This is my perception, I don't remember my childhood as a whole. It is all blocked out and only remember certain things as they reappear in my memory or from what I have been told.

At the end of her life, my aunt came to me and told me that I could be her lawyer yet she still looked on my as this sinner, saved by grace. She couldn't love me for who I was. She could loved me because I had opened my life to God and allowed Him into my life. I was a hero because I had overcome this 'sin' that I had allowed to take over my life. I was not a bad person trying to get good. I was a person who had a disease, who was trying to get well and recover, not a bad person trying to be good.

This post was made on another site in 2009.

Looking back, I think I qualify as the mascot too. My mother expected me to be a good example for my sisters. If they did wrong, it was my fault.