About steps six and seven

[Lady1021]

Hello,

I am looking for feedback from those who have done these steps, particularly advice on how to let go of certain character defects. I am starting to look forward to making amends but I understand that I need to let go of certain defects before attempting the face-to-face meetings with those I have harmed. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing. I found it best to build a foundation before I confronted others to make amends.

I found it best to do it with a sponsor. It can be done with a minister or a priest, but many of them, including doctors don't have a clear understanding of addiction. It isn't a SIN, it is a disease. When we picked up our drug of choice, it took us, an we got left behind. I know I lost all the Christian teachings on the back burner, even if I knew it was wrong, my disease won the battle. It was only through a spiritual awakening that I was able to stop and that allowed for the healing.

Start at Step One, and take it from there. I was told to do them in order. I went to a lot of meetings, focusing on Steps 1,2, and 3. Then I tried to apply the others to the best of my ability, but I couldn't put the cart before the horse. I did try to take off the surface because I didn't want to continue acting out in my disease.

An amend isn't saying sorry, it is about changing and promising not to do it again to the best of my ability, allowing for my human nature under the care of my God. As I grew in awareness, detoxed (11 months until alcohol leaves our system and I think drugs are 9-10 months), so I couldn't get a clear vision of the nature of my wrongs.

When I quit smoking, after doing three Step 4s, at 7 years, I found that fear and anger were covering up resentment, rejection, abandonment, and other issues that I hadn't dealt with. It is very much a one day at a time program. I remember speaking to my co-sponsor who was a Native American and said, "Didn't I already deal with this?" She said, "Yes, but they do keep coming back up." Needless to say, I thought it was a bummer, but it is true. As a long-timer use to share at meetings, "he had 13 defects of character in barrels and only 12 lids, so there was bound to be a defect running around some where.

I prayed to my God and asked for the Defect of Character to be removed. As I grow in the program, I can see that the defect was much bigger and went deeper than I thought, and needed a lot of healing. I can't, my God can, and just for today, I choose to let Him. Just the same as I did when I asked for the desire to drink and drug be taken from me. It was white knuckle time, until I prayed and became totally willing to be honest, surrender to the program and the fact that I can't do it myself, and I had to be willing to accept my disease in all forms. The alcohol was but a symptom of my alcoholism. I also had used relationships, pills, work/busy, and food. The problem was me, and I had to be open to change and healing. It is not a quick fix program. It is a living program. Just for today, I choose not to abuse myself and others.

Prayers to you on your journey. As they say, "Pray and ask for help in the morning and give thanks at night." My sponsor said, "A grateful alcoholic/addict will never have a REASON to pick up." He/She may have lots of excuses, but no reason to relapse. Keep coming so you don't have to come back.

[Lady1021]

I have only been sober for eight months, so perhaps I am still in the beginning stages of growing in awareness. I discovered through the fourth step where my resentments had actually been of my own creation, which led to the realization of how I had in fact wronged those people by pushing them out of my life, sometimes in horribly hurtful ways. In daily life I find new resentments cropping up, albeit in quiet ways such as a repetition of far less selfish and biting replies spoken only in my head so they take the form of obsessive thoughts rather than hurtful comments.

My home group is solution based with a ton of sobriety (1600 years collectively at last count!) and it meets daily, which works as an inspirational way to start the day (we meet at 7:00 am) but sometimes I struggle to hold myself accountable for my own work. I think what I also may need is a more consistent connection with my higher power. I say the morning prayer daily and have also memorized a few others (the third step prayer seems helpful) but as soon as I get to work and start going, suddenly eight hours has passed and I realize I had completely forgotten the higher power even existed in the first place.

I so appreciate that this site is here and I'm grateful for your willingness to offer feedback because it's helped me to put some things in perspective. So thank you.

[MajestyJo]

First off my friend, there is no such thing as only 8 months. It is one day at a time for 8 months, one day at a time.

As my spiritual adviser use to say, "If you woke up before 9:03 a.m. you have more sobriety than I have." I may have a few more 24 hours put together, and you would think I would get it right. It is still a program of practice, practice, practice. That is why I share here, all I have is today. If I utilize the program and accept the gifts that it gives me, then I believe I will stay sober for today. If I start putting the tools aside to make room for something or someone else, then I am setting myself up for relapse. I might get away with it for a while, but eventually it will catch up with me and I will find myself at a bar with a rye and coke in front of me or having a glass of wine with a meal.

Sounds like an awesome group. The group I started at the request of Hamilton Housing, was for 7 meetings in 6 days. I was a part of it for 7 years and handed it over to two members and went back to school.

I still do the Serenity Prayer, followed by the third and seventh Step prayers. In the Big Book, the Amen doesn't appear until after the 7th, so that makes me believe they belong together.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine be done.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 41

3rd Step Prayer

God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63

7th Step Prayer

My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76

Thank you for sharing, you give me food for thought too.

[MajestyJo]

AA Recovery Steps 4, 5, 6, and 7.

http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaonsteps4567.html

How can I change if I don't take an inventory of what is in the moment. When I take that inventory, we can take it to our sponsor, clergyman, counsellor, etc. to share my finding and they can give me new insight. Remember it is a fearless inventory, if the fear is there, go back to Step 3. Pray for the willingness to be willing.

Step 6 for me in my thoughts and the thinking behind my dis-ease. The shortcomings, is acting them out and not trying to change. All I am asked to do is try, the failure isn't doing and failing, but in not trying. As we grow in recovery, we have a new perspective, a new awareness, new self-honesty, and a more humble spirit, instead of looking at my life with humiliation.

I am not my disease. It is a one day at a time program. Each day I get a new opportunity to practice and become a better me.