Enabling

[MajestyJo]

How to keep your addict active in addiction!

This was written for drugs, but drugs come in many forms, so posting it here.

1. Give your child anything he or she wants.
2. Try very hard to be your child's best friend.
3. Always believe your child about everything.
4. Recognize that if your child gets in trouble, it's his or her friends' fault.
5.If you child drinks alchohol or smokes marijuana abusively realize that it is so much better than using "hard drugs".
6. Should your child get arrested because of drugs, bail him or her out immediately.
7. If there are legal issues, hire the best and most expensive lawyer you can find.
8. Convince yourself and others that while your child may abuse drugs, he or she is most certainly not an addict.
9. Know that YOUR child is different. What may be necessary for others is not needed forYOUR child.
10. Be careful about setting rules, They can't be too hard. After all, YOUR child deservessome fun.
11. Take responsibility for your child's behavior. Pay all of hi/her financial obligations.
12. Make excuses for your child's actions. Apologize FOR him/her, if necessary.
13. If your child breaks even your modest rules, give him/her chance after chance. Sooner or later your child will get it right.
14. When your spouse and other relatives believe that your child has a serious drug problem, fight for your child . Don't you dare let them label your child.
15. Give your child some spending money. He or she will probably get a job soon, and in the mean time, he or she has certain expenses.
16. If treatment is absolutely necessary for your child, look for the shortest treatment available.
17. Know that when the brief treatment is complete, everything will return to normal.
18. If you have other children they will be fine. Concentrate all your time and attention on the child with the problem.
19. Don't listen to the so-called experts. You are the parent and YOU know what's best for YOUR child.
20. If YOU believe that any treatment is needed for your child, it should all be fine.
21. Okay, your child may have a problem. At least he/she is not like those "bad addicts".
22. If your child moves far away or goes back to school, his/her problems will probably just go away.
23. If your child did have a problem, as soon as he/she stops using drugs, tell him/her it's time to concentrate on other things: to make up for lost time.24. Be aware that any problem your child may have is YOUR FAULT.
25. KNOW THAT IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX ALL OF YOUR CHILD'S PROBLEMS.

ADDITIONAL THINGS THAT YOU ALREADY BELIEVE

1. Alcohol is legal, so it can't be a problem
2. Marijuana should be legal, it's not a drug to worry about
3. Stopping drug use is just a matter of enough willpower
4. A person must figure out WHY he started using drugs before he tries to stop
5. When a person stops drug use, everything will be immediately good.
6. If any medication is needed, it should be used for the shortest time possible. No one is responsible for what they did while they were under the influence of drugs.
8. If a person's depression, bipolar, ADD, ADHD, etc. is treated, drug use will automatically stop.
9. Treatment agencies demand too much from a drug addict. They have other things to do bedsides be in treatment.
10. all the people that say they want to help are just in it for the money

PARENTAL MARTYR-DOME YOU BELIEVE ANY OF THE 25 STATEMENTS ON THE ABOVE, YOU ARE PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR KEEPING YOUR CHILD IN ACTIVE ADDICTION OR YOU ARE WATCHING YOUR CHILD RELAPSE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. WHILE A CHILD'S SUBSTANCE ADDICTION IS NOT THE FAULT OF HIS/HER PARENTS, CONTINUING ADDICTION AND RELAPSE COULD VERY WELL BE THE PARENTS FAULT. IF YOU DEEP DOWN, REALLY BELIEVE ANY OF THE 10 ADDITIONAL THINGS, YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SUPPORT FOR YOUR CHILD'S LASTING RECOVERY.

Many parents take on the role of martyr. They tolerate and accept things from their addicted child that they would never tolerate and accept from anyone else. These are the some of the people you see in parent support groups around the country. They complain each week about the addict's same terrible behaviors that they complained about the week before. These are the people who truly believe that they can change the addict. Their child. They haven't yet learned one of life's most important facts. The only person anyone can change is him or herself. The life of a martyr is not a very pleasant.

In fact, when parents consider themselves to be martyrs to an addict it is usually covering up intense anger. Parents have a right to be furious with the behaviors of a person in addiction. addiction makes a person (even if he/she is your child) totally self centered, selfish and self absorbed. Addiction can make a person commit illegal and immoral behavior. Nothing counts but the drugs. As long as you accept your addicted child's behavior, he assured that the drugs remain more important to the addict than you and your feelings.

They are more important than your possessions, your sanity, your home and your peace of mind or your love! If you really want the insanity of life with an addict to change, change the only person you can yourself.

So often we look at the addict, and think they should be able to stop, especially if they do what we think is best for them, when in truth, we are often enabling them and keeping them in their disease.

[MajestyJo]

This looks like it could be in another section, but that is okay with me. This is a prayer I say, in one form or another, every day.

Instead of getting angry, resentful, and hurt because of my "A's" actions, words, and non-actions, I just ask that he be reminded that there is another way, and hopefully he will see the program working in me, instead of me, having hissy fits, shouting matches, and all those other behaviors that I picked up over the years.

As the slogan says, "Let It Begin With Me." It isn't about the "A" in my life, it is about me and my recovery. I can't change him/her, but I can change me and my attitude.



Hi Lord, it’s me.

We are getting older and things are getting bad here.

Gas prices are too high, no jobs, food and heating costs too high. I know some have taken you out of our schools, government and even Christmas, but Lord I'm asking you to come back and re-bless Canada.

We really need you! There are more of us who want you than those who don't!

Thank You Lord, I Love you.

Only you & the Lord will know.

"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point."