NA JFT - May 2014

[MajestyJo]

May 1

Self-Worth And Service

"Being involved in service makes me feel worthwhile."

Basic Text, p. 212

When most of us arrived in Narcotics Anonymous, we had very little self-worth left to salvage. Many members say that they began to develop self-esteem through being of service early in their recovery. Something just short of a miracle occurs when we begin to have a positive impact on others' lives through our service efforts.

Most of us don't have a lot of experience, strength, or hope to share at thirty days clean. In fact, some members will tell us in no uncertain terms that what we can do best is listen. But at thirty days, we do offer something to that addict just coming into the rooms of NA, struggling to get twenty-four hours clean. The very newest NA member, the one with only the desire to stop using and none of the tools, can hardly imagine anyone staying clean for a year, or two years, or ten. But he or she can relate to those people with thirty days clean, picking up a keytag with a look of pride and disbelief emblazoned on their faces.

Service is something that is our unique gift—something that no one can take away from us. We give, and we get. Through service, many of us start on the sometimes long road back to becoming productive members of society.

Just for today: I will be grateful for the opportunity to be of service.

Don't believe that I would be clean and sober today, if it wasn't for service. It gave me purpose in my life. I started in my home group and at two years of sobriety, I was able to go into treatment houses, detox, and the jail. From there I went into the community work at the Internet Cafe, Tennet Assoc., and Hamilton Housing Projects (my landlord).

[MajestyJo]

May 2

"Just Maybe...."

"There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles."

Basic Text, p. 18

When we first came to NA, many of us had great difficulty accepting the spiritual principles underlying this program—and for good reason. No matter how we'd tried to control our addiction, we'd found ourselves powerless. We grew angry and frustrated with anyone who suggested there was hope for us, because we knew better. Spiritual ideas may have had some bearing on other peoples' lives, but not on ours.

Despite our indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles, we were drawn to Narcotics Anonymous. There, we met other addicts. They'd been where we'd been, powerless and hopeless, yet they'd found a way not only to stop using but to live and enjoy life clean. They spoke of the spiritual principles that had pointed the way for them to this new life of recovery. For them, these principles were not just theories but a part of their practical experience. Yes, we had good reason to be skeptical, but these spiritual principles spoken of by other NA members really seemed to work.

Once we admitted this, we didn't necessarily accept every single spiritual idea we heard. But we did start to think that, if these principles had worked for others, just maybe they'd work for us, too. For a beginning, that willingness was enough.

Just for today: Just maybe the spiritual principles I hear spoken of in NA might work for me. I am willing, at least, to open my mind to the possibility.

This reminds me of the old saying, "Wish I may, wish I might." I learned it as a child, but along the way I lost my dreams and direction. So grateful to receive an open mind, and when I did, I had a whole new vision.

[MajestyJo]

May 3

Sharing Our Gratitude

"My gratitude speaks when I care and when I share with others the NA way."

Gratitude Prayer

The longer we stay clean, the more we experience feelings of gratitude for our recovery. These feelings of gratitude aren't limited to particular gifts like new friends or the ability to be employed. More frequently, they arise from the overall sense of joy we feel in our new lives. These feelings are enhanced by our certainty of the course our lives would have taken if it weren't for the miracle we've experienced in Narcotics Anonymous.

These feelings are so all-encompassing, so wondrous, and sometimes so overwhelming that we often can't find words for them. We sometimes openly weep with happiness while sharing in a meeting, yet we grope for words to express what we are feeling. We want so badly to convey to newcomers the gratitude we feel, but it seems that our language lacks the superlatives to describe it.

When we share with tears in our eyes, when we choke up and can't talk at all—these are the times when our gratitude speaks most clearly. We share our gratitude directly from our hearts; with their hearts, others hear and understand. Our gratitude speaks eloquently, though our words may not.

Just for today: My gratitude has a voice of its own; when it speaks, the heart understands. Today, I will share my gratitude with others, whether I can find the words or not.

My sponsor told me a grateful addict will never have a reason to pick up, they may have not of excuses, but never a reason.

[MajestyJo]

May 4

"What About The Newcomer?"

"Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry the message to the addict who still suffers."

Tradition Five

Our home group means a lot to us. After all, where would we be without our favorite NA meeting? Our group sometimes sponsors picnics or other activities. Often, home group members get together to see a movie or go bowling. We have all made good friendships through our home group, and we wouldn't trade that warmth for the world.

But sometimes we must take inventory of what our group is doing to fulfill its primary purpose—to carry the message to the still-suffering addict. Sometimes when we go to our meetings, we know almost everyone and get caught up in the laughter and fun. But what about the newcomer? Have we remembered to reach out to the new people who may be sitting by themselves, lonely and frightened? Do we remember to welcome those visiting our group?

The love found in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous helps us recover from addiction. But once we have gotten clean, we must remember to give to others what was so freely given to us. We need to reach out to the addict who still suffers. After all, "the newcomer is the most important person at any meeting."

Just for today: I'm grateful for the warm fellowship I've found in my home group. I will reach out my hand to the still-suffering addict, offering that same fellowship to others.

They carry a great message. It isn't any better out there and from what is out there in today, it is much worse. Peer pressure and the wanting to fit in, takes people down to a bottom, that is hit much earlier than it was for me. They be younger, but they are hurting just as much or more than I was. It is a disease. The substance is but a symptom. Some substance get you there faster than others.

My favourite Tradition, it is what kept me coming back.

[MajestyJo]

May 5

Any Lengths

"...I was ready to go to any lengths to stay clean."

Basic Text, p. 217

"Any lengths?" newcomers ask. "What do you mean, any lengths?" Looking back at our active addiction and the lengths we were willing to go to in order to stay high can help to explain. Were we willing to drive many miles to get drugs? Yes, we usually were. Then it makes sense that, if we are as concerned about staying clean as we were about using, we will try anything to find a ride to a meeting.

In our addiction, didn't we often do crazy, insane things or use unknown substances at the direction of others? Then why do we often find it so hard to take direction in recovery, especially when the direction is designed to help us grow? And when we used, didn't we often, in desperation, turn to our Higher Power, saying, "Please, just get me out of this one!" Then why do we find it so hard to ask for God's help in our recovery?

When we used, we usually had an open mind when it came to finding ways and means to get more drugs. If we can apply this same principle of open-mindedness to our recovery, we may surprise ourselves by how easily we begin to grasp the NA program. Our best thinking, it is often said, got us into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. If we are willing to go to any lengths, follow directions, and stay open-minded, we can stay clean.

Just for today: I am willing to go to any lengths to stay clean. I will become as open-minded and ready to take direction as I need to be.

So true, without the honesty, open mind, and willingness I couldn't stay clean. I use to tell people, if someone asked me to climb a telephone pole and sit there for 3 hours a day, I would do it. I was 49 and not it good physical, mental, or emotional condition. They say the program is suggested, but for me, there were darn well betters, or I would use again. I had already proved, that substitution didn't work, and it took me back to my drug of choice.

[MajestyJo]

May 6

Are We Having Fun Yet?

"In time, we can relax and enjoy the atmosphere of recovery."

Basic Text, pp. 53-54

Imagine what would happen if a newcomer walked into one of our meetings and was met by a group of grim-faced people gripping the arms of their chairs with white knuckles. That newcomer would probably bolt, perhaps muttering, "I thought I could get off drugs and be happy."

Thankfully, our newcomers are usually met by a group of friendly, smiling folks who are obviously fairly content with the lives they've found in Narcotics Anonymous. What an enormous amount of hope this provides! A newcomer, whose life has been deadly serious, is strongly attracted by an atmosphere of laughter and relaxation. Coming from a place where everything is taken seriously, where disaster always waits around the next corner, it's a welcome relief to enter a room and find people who generally don't take themselves too seriously, who are ready for something wonderful.

We learn to lighten up in recovery. We laugh at the absurdity of our addiction. Our meetings—those rooms filled with the lively, happy sounds of percolating coffee, clattering chairs, and laughing addicts—are the gathering places where we first welcome our newcomers and let them know that, yes, we're having fun now.

Just for today: I can laugh at myself. I can take a joke. I will lighten up and have some fun today.

Gave a guy his three month pin. I said you are excited and grateful in the moment. Every time you come up to an anniversary, ask yourself if you are enjoying recovery. If not, ask yourself why not? What are you not doing in today that you did to get clean and sober, to get to where you are in today? You have a second chance at life, it is for living, enjoy it.

[MajestyJo]

May 7

Turning Turmoil Into Peace

"With the world in such a turmoil, I feel I have been blessed to be where I am."

Basic Text, p. 155

Some days it doesn't pay to turn on the news, we hear so many stories about violence and mayhem. When we used, many of us grew accustomed to violence. Through the fog of our addiction, we rarely got too disturbed by the state of the world. When we are clean, however, many of us find we are particularly sensitive to the world around us. As recovering people, what can we do to make it a better place?

When we find ourselves disturbed by the turmoil of our world, we can find comfort in prayer and meditation. When it seems like everything is turned upside down, our contact with our Higher Power can be our calm in the midst of any storm. When we are centered on our spiritual path, we can respond to our fears with peace. And by living peaceably ourselves, we invite a spirit of peace to enter our world. As recovering people, we can affect positive change by doing our best to practice the principles of our program.

Just for today: I will enhance peace in the world by living, speaking, and acting peacefully in my own life.

Made me think of a share I once heard, she said that she had a hissy fit. I am grateful in today, that I don't have to go there today and seldom have them in today. I realized that my life is kind of quiet, and I like it like that.

[MajestyJo]

May 8

Teachable

"We have learned that it is okay to not know all the answers, for then we are teachable and can learn to live our new life successfully."

Basic Text, p. 93

In a way, addiction is a great teacher. And if addiction teaches us nothing else, it will teach us humility. We hear it said that it took our very best thinking to get to NA. Now that we're here, we're here to learn.

The NA Fellowship is a wonderful learning environment for the recovering addict. We aren't made to feel stupid at meetings. Instead, we find others who've been exactly where we've been and who've found a way out. All we have to do is admit that we don't have all the answers, then listen as others share what's worked for them.

As recovering addicts and as human beings, we have much to learn. Other addicts—and other humans—have much to teach us about what works and what doesn't. As long as we remain teachable, we can take advantage of the experience of others.

Just for today: I will admit that I don't have all the answers. I will look and listen to the experience of others for the answers I need.

Many people, mistake humility with humiliation. It is not the same thing. There is no shame in saying, "I don't know, I need help." It was important for me to be willing to be open to hearing new things and change.

[MajestyJo]

May 9

Write About It!

"We sit down with a notebook, ask for guidance, pick up our pen, and start writing."

Basic Text, p. 29

When we're confused or in pain, our sponsor sometimes tells us to "write about it." Though we may groan as we drag out the notebook, we know that it will help. By laying it all out on paper, we give ourselves the chance to sort through what's bothering us. We know we can get to the bottom of our confusion and find out what's really causing our pain when we put the pen to the paper.

Writing can be rewarding, especially when working through the steps. Many members maintain a daily journal. Simply thinking about the steps, pondering their meaning, and analyzing their effect is not sufficient for most of us. There's something about the physical action of writing that helps to fix the principles of recovery in our minds and hearts.

The rewards we find through the simple action of writing are many. Clarity of thought, keys to locked places inside of us, and the voice of conscience are but a few. Writing helps us be more honest with ourselves. We sit down, quiet our thoughts, and listen to our hearts. What we hear in the stillness are the truths that we put down on paper.

Just for today: One of the ways I can search for truth in recovery is to write. I will write about my recovery today.

Did a lot of journaling, and then I got my computer, and then I starting sharing on sites. The first was Another Empty Bottle and Another 24 Hours. Started building my own web pages, had 15 in all, which are now gone. So glad I shared what was on them on other sites, so I have the material to revisit.

[MajestyJo]

May 10

Becoming Entirely Ready

"We... get a good look at what these defects are doing to our lives. We begin to long for freedom from these defects."

Basic Text, p. 33

Becoming entirely ready to have our defects of character removed can be a long process, often taking place over the course of a lifetime. Our state of readiness grows in direct proportion to our awareness of these defects and the destruction they cause.

We may have trouble seeing the devastation our defects are inflicting on our lives and the lives of those around us. If this is the case, we would do well to ask our Higher Power to reveal those flaws which stand in the way of our progress.

As we let go of our shortcomings and find their influence waning, we'll notice that a loving God replaces those defects with quality attributes. Where we were fearful, we find courage. Where we were selfish, we find generosity. Our delusions about ourselves will disappear to be replaced by self-honesty and self-acceptance.

Yes, becoming entirely ready means we will change. Each new level of readiness brings new gifts. Our basic nature changes, and we soon find our readiness is no longer sparked only by pain but by a desire to grow spiritually.

Just for today: I will increase my state of readiness by becoming more aware of my shortcomings.

We need to be willing to work the program. People say the program didn't work for them. That isn't how it works. We need to work for the program. We need to be entirely ready to do anything to stay clean and sober.

[MajestyJo]

May 11

Balancing The Scales

"A lot of our chief concerns and major difficulties come from our inexperience with living without drugs. Often when we ask an old timer what to do, we are amazed at the simplicity of the answer."

Basic Text, pp. 41-42

Finding balance in recovery is quite a bit like sitting down with a set of scales and a pile of sand. The goal is to have an equal amount of sand on each side of the scales, achieving a balance of weight.

We do the same thing in recovery. We sit down with the foundation of our clean time and the Twelve Steps, then attempt to add employment, household responsibilities, friends, sponsees, relationships, meetings, and service in equal weights so that the scales balance. Our first try may throw our personal scales out of kilter. We may find that, because of our over-involvement in service, we have upset our employer or our family. But when we try to correct this problem by resigning from NA service altogether, the other side of the scales go out of balance.

We can ask for help from members who have stabilized their scales. These people are easy to recognize. They appear serene, composed, and self-assured. They'll smile in recognition at our dilemma and share how they slowed down, added only a few grains of sand at a time to either side of the scales, and were rewarded with balance in recovery.

Just for today: I seek balance in my life. Today, I will ask others to share their experience in finding that balance.

First things first is my recovery, in order to do that, I have to get clean and sober, or I have nothing. As I work the steps, go to meetings and listen to others, I learn how others deal with life on life's terms. I didn't get this way overnight, so it takes time to right ourselves and make amends to others. The best way to make an amend (change), is to learn to apply the principles in our lives, we can't change others, but we can change ourselves.

[MajestyJo]

May 12

Living With Spiritual Experiences

"For meditation to be of value, the results must show in our daily lives."

Basic Text, pp. 45-46

In working our program, we are given many indirect indications of a Higher Power's presence in our lives: the clean feeling that comes to so many of us in taking our Fifth Step; the sense that we are finally on the right track when we make amends; the satisfaction we get from helping another addict. Meditation, however, occasionally brings us extraordinary indications of God's presence in our lives. These experiences do not mean we have become perfect or that we are "cured." They are tastes given us of the source of our recovery itself, reminding us of the true nature of the thing we are pursuing in Narcotics Anonymous and encouraging us to continue walking our spiritual path.

Such experiences demonstrate, in no uncertain terms, that we have tapped a Power far greater than our own. But how do we incorporate that extraordinary Power into our ordinary lives? Our NA friends, our sponsor, and others in our communities may be more seasoned in spiritual matters than we are. If we ask, they can help us fit our spiritual experiences into the natural pattern of recovery and spiritual growth.

Just for today: I will seek whatever answers I may need to understand my spiritual experiences and incorporate them into my daily life.

This is a spiritual program that offers a spiritual solution.

[MajestyJo]

May 13

Onward On The Journey

"The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey"

Basic Text, p. 79

The longer we stay clean, the steeper and narrower our path seems to become. But God doesn't give us more than we can handle. No matter how difficult the road becomes, no matter how narrow, how winding the turns, there is hope. That hope lies in our spiritual progression.

If we keep showing up at meetings and staying clean, life gets... well, different. The continual search for answers to life's ups and downs can lead us to question all aspects of our lives. Life isn't always pleasant. This is when we must turn to our Higher Power with even more faith. Sometimes all we can do is hold on tight, believing that things will get better.

In time, our faith will produce understanding. We will begin to see the "bigger picture" of our lives. As our relationship with our Higher Power unfolds and deepens, acceptance becomes almost second nature. No matter what happens as we walk through recovery, we rely on our faith in a loving Higher Power and continue onward.

Just for today: I accept that I don't have all the answers to life's questions. Nonetheless, I will have faith in the God of my understanding and continue on the journey of recovery.

Recovery is a process. We are on a journey, the road to recovery doesn't have a final destination to work toward. It is just for today, and each day, hopefully I learn through new awareness, experiences, and lessons.

[MajestyJo]

May 14

Oops!

"Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results."

Basic Text, p. 23

Mistakes! We all know how it feels to make them. Many of us feel that our entire lives have been a mistake. We often regard our mistakes with shame or guilt—at the very least, with frustration and impatience. We tend to see mistakes as evidence that we are still sick, crazy, stupid, or too damaged to recover.

In truth, mistakes are a very vital and important part of being human. For particularly stubborn people (such as addicts), mistakes are often our best teachers. There is no shame in making mistakes. In fact, making new mistakes often shows our willingness to take risks and grow.

It's helpful, though, if we learn from our mistakes; repeating the same ones may be a sign that we're stuck. And expecting different results from the same old mistakes—well, that's what we call "insanity!" It just doesn't work.

Just for today: Mistakes aren't tragedies. But please, Higher Power, help me learn from them!

Was sharing with my friend today about having "Oops" days. The difference in today, is that we have the tools of recovery to deal with them.

[MajestyJo]

May 15

Fear Of the Fourth Step

"As we approach this step, most of us are afraid that there is a monster inside of us that, if released, will destroy us."

Basic Text, p. 27

Most of us are terrified to look at ourselves, to probe our insides. We're afraid that if we examine our actions and motives, we'll find a bottomless black pit of selfishness and hatred. But as we take the Fourth Step, we'll find that those fears were unwarranted. We're human, just like everyone else—no more, no less.

We all have personality traits that we're not especially proud of. On a bad day, we may think that our faults are worse than anyone else's. We'll have moments of self-doubt. We'll question our motives. We may even question our very existence. But if we could read the minds of our fellow members, we'd find the same struggles. We're no better or worse than anyone else.

We can only change what we acknowledge and understand. Rather than continuing to fear what's buried inside us, we can bring it out into the open. We'll no longer be frightened, and our recovery will flourish in the full light of self-awareness.

Just for today: I fear what I don't know. I will expose my fears and allow them to vanish.

I was told that if I still had fear, go back to Step Three. Remember it is a one day at a time program. I am not my disease, I need to take an inventory of what is, bring it to the light, so I could find out what I needed to change, let go of, nurture, and allow a healing process to my body, mind, and spirit. My scars went deep. It didn't happen all at once, I was told to take off the top layer, and then as I grew in recovery, and more capable of honesty and the facing of reality, I could peel back more layers.