The Big Book

[MajestyJo]

My sponsor told me several things about book before I even picked it up.

Read it, don't just use it to prop up a window or put it on your coffee table or in your book case, so it looks good and people will think you are reading it.

Start with the first page, xi and finish with the last page, in my third edition copy it is page 375.

I was given a soft cover Big Book at about 3 months sober. It is lined with many coloured notations, words that spoke to me in the moment, and when I went back re-read, I something complete new or something I had forgotten and when I went back it was renewed or reinforced.

Some people say recovery is in the first 164 pages, yet I could identify with the stories, especially Physician, Heal Thyself, page. 345, Belle of the Bar, page 478, and the best of all Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict , page 439. There were so many more, but those stuck out for me and stayed with me.

So many times, I have gone back the the Big Book and/or AA's Twelve Steps and Traditions, and words popped up like I had never read them before.

1) I didn't think I needed healing, it was everyone else who had the problem.
2) I was that belle who loved the attention, especially if a drink accompanied it.
3) I can be both, an alcoholic and an addict. It isn't the drink and drugs, it is my thought behind the substance I use in the moment. My drug of choice was more. As I often say when sharing my story, "More of what I am having, more of what you have if I can talk you out of it, and more of anything else that came my way."

You might think that you aren't an alcoholic so you don't need to read the Big Book. The Big Book was the basic test that started all the rest. Identify, not compare, and when they say drink, think drug. When they say alcohol, think addict. I used alcohol like I used everything else in my life. That substance I put between me and my God in the moment, alcohol, men, drugs, men, food, relationships, computer, my bed, the Legion, service work (helped others instead of working on my own recovery), books (last night I picked up a book and couldn't put it down, even though an hour before, I thought bed and knew I should go to bed, I read, and read some more.

This is a one day at a time program. The Big Book has it all, the rest is bonus, but when I want or need to get back to basics, I need to read the Big Book and work the 12 Steps, which is the common denominator between all fellowshiips.

Page 85: What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. "How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which mus go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

My sister use to say to me, "You were never know for your will power. I replied, "I had a lot of will power what I didn't have was won't power."

This is where I opened up the Big Book today.