I DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES ONCE...

[Ashley Ruth]

I make them about 5 or 6 times just to be sure...lol story of my life! I'm Ashley and I'm new to recovery ...well as of this year.lets see how long I last this time!😕😒 I'm a recovery heroin addict who's been in and out of rehabs fom 8 years now.you think I would of grasp this whole recovery thing by now.But nope. I'm struggling right now on the fact I just turned 27 and I'm still a chunky! I never wanted something so bad but can't seem to let all my other past attempts keep getting in the way and I scare myself so much about relapsing that i actually push myself to relapse! Stupid ain't it?! I know how dumb that sounds but every time I get clean I get my family back,a job,a home again and I don't want to lose it that I freak myself out and end up turning into a hermit.not going out with friends or even trying to meet new ppl I stop going to meetings and then I'm afraid to tell everyone I stopped going to meetings so I start isolating myself from my family and next thing I know my life is at a down ward spiral,getting more and more uncontrollable that before I know it I'm back to the same spot I swore I'd never let myself be at again! I hope this time is different and I'm trusting the Lord this time.I clearly can't manage my life so I'm finally giving it over to the Lord for once. I hope you all keep me in your prayers as I'm back at this journey to sobriety!

It took me a while but I learned that if I don't change nothing else changes. I'm cross-addicted to the deadly word "more" but stayed home listening to only my own thinking for a long time. My own thinking was always trying to kill me. This time I allowed God to help me find my home group. There I found someone just like myself: in and out. He's doing well, so we talk in the parking lot after every meeting. But my first thought every morning is God. The combination of God, my friends at the meeting and CHANGE by working the steps, has been working for me. My own thinking fixing my own thinking is very deadly.

[MajestyJo]

Welcome Ashley Ruth and Robert. Thank you both for signing in and sharing with us. For me, it is about one day at a time. Don't use, not matter what. Substitution took me back to my drug of choice. Isolation, not only blocks me from family and friends, it blocks me from my God.

What I did last week, last month, or last year, won't keep me clean and sober in today. I can learn from past mistakes, or go to that shelf and look over the things I put up there for a later date to see if it is now time to dust them off and apply them to my life.

Words and thoughts mean nothing, they are powerless unless I follow them up with action. Accepting my disease or if it makes the medicine go down a little better, a dis-ease. I spen my life looking outside of myself for something to make me feel better because I couldn't find it within myself. My God has gifted me that through the 12 Step program.

Making the same mistake over and over again, and expecting different results is the insantity of our disease, that tells us that we don't have it. Just because I make a mistake, does not mean I am one.

Just for today, I choose not to use people, places, and things. I had to change people, places and things, and put new things into my life, into my body, and into my thinking. For me, it was the thinking, not the drug that caused me the problem. A drug is a drug, the problem is me.

Thank you both for making the decision to join our family. My drug of choice was more too. More of what I am having, more of what every I could talk you out of, and more of anything else that comes my way. The body manufactures the pain to tell you that you need more. Enough is never enough.