NACR Daily Meditation - November

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November 1

Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22

A friend recently said, "The day my mother told me to lie about Dad's abusive behavior is the day I decided once and for all that no one will ever take care of me but me."

Many of us made decisions like this early in life. For one reason or another we reached the conclusion that it was not safe to need others. One of the longest-lasting effects of abuse and neglect is this kind of ruthless independence.

Unfortunately, because we may not have experienced appropriate care, we have not learned how to do a good job of taking care of ourselves. We are harsh with ourselves. And we have huge blind spots. We keep falling into the same ruts and traps.

The toxic individualism that comes from abuse and neglect is an illusion. We are needy. We need others to help us and support us. We cannot live whole, healthy lives in isolation. We need other people. We need their counsel and their honest feedback. Success is more likely when we work interdependently. We need love and acceptance. We need listening ears. We need to be held accountable. We need encouragement and support from other people. And others need all these things from us as well.

It may seem like a risk to allow ourselves to need anything from anyone. But it is a risk worth taking again and again and again. It is appropriate to be cautious and wise about the risks we take in relationships. But risks cannot be avoided. Mutual relationships of love and care are the basis for all real joy in life. They are worth the struggle and hard work.

Lord, you know the fear I experience
when I allow myself to receive good things from other people.
You know how hard it is for me to let myself need people.
And you know I struggle to believe I have anything to give to others.
So interdependence is difficult.
Help me, Lord, to give and to receive.
Give me the courage to risk love.
Amen.


Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 2

If I give all I possess to the poor
and surrender my body to the flames,
but have not love, I gain nothing.
I Corinthians 13:3

We need to experience loving relationships in order to heal and grow. In loving relationships we experience the safety that allows us to face the truth. In loving relationships we experience the support we need to begin to change. And in loving relationships we learn that we are lovable and valuable.

Because we have been wounded in relationships, our instinct is often to run from relationships. We don't want to be hurt again. This leaves an enormous void in our souls. And it is this void which we desperately try to fill with addictions and compulsions of various kinds. This text focuses on two manifestations of religious addiction (compulsive altruism and religiously motivated self-abuse) and sums up the result: I gain nothing. The same could be said of all of our addictions. "I deliver my body to be burned" and "I gain nothing" are an accurate description not only of a particular kind of religious addiction but also of chemial addiction, work addiction, sexual addiction and relationship addiction, as well as many self-abusive compulsions.

We gain nothing for all the time and effort we spend on trying to numb the pain. It does not achieve the desired result. The void remains.

Although loving fellowship may be frightening for us, it is the path to recovery. The vulnerabilities of intimacy may remind us of earlier times of terror in life, but there is no way to recover in isolation. The net result of compulsions and addictions is "I gain nothing." But the net result of recovery is very different. There is something to be gained by all the hard work that recovery requires. Recovery builds in us a capacity to receive love and a capacity to give love to others. And that is a real gain.

May God grant you the courage you need today to pursue loving fellowship.

Lord, you see my guarded heart.
You see the fears that make me run from love.
What I fear is what I want most.
I want to love and to be loved.
Give me courage to open my heart to love today.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 3

Then they led him away to crucify him.
Matthew 27:31


There are days when we find it difficult, if not impossible, to sustain hope. The day of Jesus' death was such a day. It was a day of despair for all who had put their hope in him. It was a day of unbearable grief for those who had been changed by his love. In such terrible moments hope disappears. Darkness seems to be all that remains. God seems absent.

It is, however, one of the most fundamental convictions of the Christian faith that, in those times when hope seems unattainable, God is at work. In that moment when even Jesus had a difficult time sustaining hope in God's redemptive purposes, God was fighting the decisive battle which would extend the rule of the Kingdom to all peoples. In that moment of terror, the foundations of reality were exposed and God was at work on the deep structures of the world. God could do work at that moment which would have been impossible during ordinary times.

Much the same is true of our moments of hopelessness. It is when hope grows weakest that our foundations are most exposed. It is when the struggle to sustain hope is most difficult that God can work on the deep structure of our persons. It is at those times that God can reach the unreachable crevices of our hearts and work on regions where fear and despair seem to reign.

It is a terrible thing to lose hope. But all is not lost. Though we lose hope, God is still at work. It may be that during our season of hopelessness God will extend the rule of the Kingdom of God into new regions of our lives.


In those times when I cannot hope, Lord,
help me to remember the work which
you accomplished during Jesus' hour of darkness.
Remind me, when I lose all hope,
that all hope is not gone
because you continue your work in me.
Extend the rule of your kingdom
into the deepest regions of my heart
where fear and despair have reigned for too long.
Amen

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 4

. . . the tender mercy of our God,
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death
to guide our feet into the path of peace
Luke 1:78-79


Many of us grew up expecting bad things. Some of us learned to expect physical abuse. As a result we may find ourselves covering our heads to ward off a blow when someone is offering a hug. Others of us learned to expect to be neglected. As a result we may experience confusion or fear when someone shows an interest in getting to know us. Expectations which are formed early in life are difficult for us to change. It is not an easy thing to allow ourselves to hope when our hopes have been disappointed over and over again in the past.

Learning to hope, however, means opening ourselves to the possibility that the future may be different from what we have known in the past. To hope is to allow ourselves to anticipate the possibility of good things. Hope is the expectation of good. It is the ability to look for the rising of the sun, while sitting in the predawn darkness.

Our hope for the future is rooted in a conviction about God's character. It is because of God's tender mercies that we find it possible to hope. Because of God's character -- tender and full of mercy -- the sun will rise. We can anticipate good things because God is a good and loving God.

I know what it is like to live in darkness, Lord.
My house has been built in the shadow of death.
God of mercy, heal me.
God of tenderness, give light.
Build in me a capacity for hope.
Rise on my darkness, Lord.
Guide my feet out of the paths of fear
and into the path of peace.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 5

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
Psalm 77:11-12

Sometimes hope fails us because of the pain of present circumstances. The intensity of the daily struggle can overwhelm us and crowd out hope for the future. We find ourselves unable to focus on a hope-full future because we cannot see beyond the burdens of the present. But we need hope in order to continue the journey. Without it we cannot go on. Without hope there is only the despair that comes when we think nothing will ever change.

Reviewing our experiences of God's help in the past is one way of nurturing hope. When present events crowd out hope, leaving despair and fear, we can turn to the disciplines of remembering. It can sustain our faith and renew our determination to continue the journey.

Remembering is not an easy discipline for us. Our memory is not good. Even miracles seem to age quickly - they become 'miracles of long ago'. Things that seemed unimaginably wonderful at the time can quickly fade in our memory as present concerns demand our attention. Dramatic breakthroughs in recovery that seemed to be powerful signs of God's grace and presence may seem painfully ordinary after a few months. For this reason it may be necessary to find someone to help us with the discipline of remembering. Hope can often be renewed by asking a trusted friend to remind us where we have been. An objective review of the journey to this point helps us see God's sustaining grace in our lives. And that gives us the hope to go on.

Lord, help me to remember the specific ways
you have sustained me in the past.
Help me to remember how I have changed.
Help me to remember your love and grace
so that I can grow in my capacity for hope today.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 6

Those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:31

Hope gives us strength. We need strength for the journey of recovery. We need strength to make the changes that need to be made -- and strength to grieve the losses which come with change. We need strength to keep on keeping on. Recovery requires a great deal of physical, emotional and spiritual strength. We draw that strength day-to-day from hope.

There are times when hope will allow us to soar. We will feel the exhilaration of change and new freedom. We will think about the future and imagine good things. We will soar with gratitude and joy because of hope.

There are other times when hope will allow us to run and not grow weary. We will keep going. Keep changing. Keep working. Keep feeling. We may get tired but hope will keep us from getting weary and wanting to give up. Hope helps us to keep running.

There are other times when hope will allow us to walk without fainting. Some days, in our recovery journey, continuing the journey at all is very difficult. The struggle we face may be so intense that we would faint if it were not for hope. But hope helps us to take the next step. One slow step at a time. Step by step, without fainting.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of hope.
Thank you for the days when hope
allows me to soar.
And for the days when it
allows me to keep running.
And thank you for the days when hope
gives me the courage to walk
without fainting.
Thank you for hope.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 7

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Hope is about the future. It may be oriented to the next hour, or the next day, or the next month or year or decade. But hope is always about anticipation.

Those of us who like to control things often find hope difficult because we do not control the future. Many of us are compulsive makers-of-plans. We are willing to work ourselves to death trying to make our plans become reality. But when our hopes and vision for the future are based only on what we can control, our vision is inevitably narrowed and impoverished.

We need to remind ourselves regularly, therefore, that God's vision for the future is better than our own. God sees possibilities and opportunities that we cannot see. The horizons of God's imagination are not bounded. When we root our hope in God, a totally different future is possible. It is not a future we can control. God's plans may not be the same as our plans. But we can return again and again to God as our source of hope.

God has been clear about our future. It is God's intention to give us a hope and a future. This is not a promise of a trouble-free life. It is not a promise of immunity from struggle. But it is a promise of hope. God has been with us in the past. God is with us in the present. And God will be with us in the future.

Thank you for paying attention to my future, Lord.
Thank you for making plans.
Help me today to rest in the thought that
your plans for me include blessing.
Open my heart today to the hope and the future
you have prepared for me.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 8

May the God of hope fill you
with all joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

Hope does not usually come as the just reward for our hard work and struggle. It comes as a gift. The experience of hope is very much like the experience of receiving a surprise gift that is perfectly suited to our needs. A really good gift is one that fits perfectly both the giver and the receiver. Hope fits our needs perfectly. But if a gift is out of character with the giver, then it may be difficult for the receiver to accept without reservations. Fortunately, hope is just the kind of gift that fits God's character. It is a perfect fit for God. The God of Hope loves to give hope.

We need to remind ourselves daily that we do not serve the god-of-relentless-cheerfulness, or the god-of-naivete, or the god-of-blind-optimism. We serve the God of Hope. God is hope-full and loves to share his hope-full-ness with us. We can come to God with our fear, doubt and despair and God will give good gifts to us. When all other reasons for hope fail us, we can return to the God of Hope because God is greater than our disappointment, greater than our failure, greater than the problems and conflicts in our hearts and our homes and our communities and our world.

Surprise me today, Lord.
Surprise me with hope.
Open my eyes to see you clearly.
Help me to see your hope-full-ness.
By the power of the Holy Spirit,
cause me to overflow with hope.
Amen

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 9

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, 'Here is a glutton
and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners."'
Luke 7:33-34


One of the accusations made by the religious leaders of Jesus' day was that he partied with undesirables. It was unacceptable in their minds to associate in any way with undesirables. That would make you 'unclean'. But it was particularly unacceptable to party with undesirables. Then, as now, religion was thought to be very serious business, much too serious for the kind of celebrations that Jesus enjoyed. Religion was supposed to be about intellectual abstractions and theological detail - not about going to dinner parties with unsavory characters.

In his teachings Jesus draws extensively on the Old Testament themes of the Sabbath, the Jubilee and the messianic feast to make a point. Jesus told many stories about God's love for celebration. When the lost is found, the finder throws a feast. When the prodigal returns, the father has a party. When a single person repents, the angels rejoice. And on and on. Jesus, the man of sorrows, was also a man of celebration and joy.

Like the religious leaders of Jesus' day, we may sometimes find ourselves resistant to joy. We may resist joy because we fear disappointment. Or we may resist joy because it doesn't seen congruent with being a serious minded person of faith. We may resist joy because we have been shamed or even punished for being overly enthusiastic as a child.

It is a risk to make room for joy in our lives. Joy requires that we be open to the possibility of experiencing conflicting emotions. If we wait to experience joy until our anger, grief and self-condemnation are completely gone, then we will wait a long time. But it is possible to experience joy without denying or avoiding other more painful emotions. We can follow Jesus' example of joy today. When joy comes, we can receive it. It is a good gift from God.

Lord of joy,
Lord of celebration,
Open my heart to the possibility of joy today.
Help me to tolerate the confusion that comes when sorrow and joy
live side by side in my heart.
Give me the courage to
joyfully celebrate life.
Amen.

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November 10

O lord, you turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
Psalm 30:11,12

Sometimes it can seem that all there is to life is grief. We face painful realities and allow ourselves to feel the painful feelings. But grief is only for a season. There will come a season for joy. In fact one of the most surprising things about the recovery process is that as we grow in our capacity for experiencing deep emotional pain we also enlarge our capacity for experiencing joy. Recovery is not just about learning to experience unpleasant emotions. It is about learning to feel the full range of life's emotions.

Imagine for a moment that you are 'clothed' in grief. God grieves with you. It is a time for wailing. Few words pass between you. But there is a great deal of emotion. Then, one day God brings you a new set of clothes. They are the clothes of joy. The time comes to change clothes. Your heart begins to sing. The time of wailing is over. The time for dancing has come.

Who can say how long this will take? It certainly cannot be rushed. But God is prepared to be with us through the whole process. God understands joy. God clothes us with joy and teaches us to dance and sing.

For teaching me to dance, Lord,
I give you thanks.
You are a good teacher.
My heart dances before you, Lord.
Your goodness endures forever.

For teaching me to sing, Lord,
I am grateful.
You are a good teacher.
My heart sings to you, Lord.
Your goodness endures forever.

Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 11

Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy set before him
endured the cross, scorning its shame
Hebrews 12:2


Shame does not coexist comfortably with joy. Experiences of shame eat away at the spiritual and emotional foundations on which joy is built. When we are consumed by shame, joy will keep its distance. But shame has a way of getting to us. Our defenses against the clever tactics of shame are not well developed.

Jesus is a powerful example to us of how to resist shame and make room for joy. First, Jesus 'scorned' shame. He did not give it a stature which it did not deserve. Experiences of shame did not define who he was. He was not just the sum of the shame he had experienced in life. His identity and person were securely rooted in God. So, he was able to experience shaming experiences without internalizing the shame.

Secondly, Jesus had 'joy set before him'. Experiences of shame hurt us. Shame is always hurtful. But we are not entirely defenseless. Jesus drew strength to endure shame from the anticipation of joy. Shame can be better endured if we allow ourselves to remember that God has plans for us that include joy. We are not aimlessly adrift in life, headed nowhere, wanderers in a meaningless maze. On the contrary, every day takes us closer to the fulfillment of God's purposes. Justice and righteousness will reign in the end. Jesus' followers share his conviction that joy, not shame, is God's purpose in creation.

Today we can root ourselves in God's love for us. We can scorn the shame. We can remind ourselves that God's plans for us include joy.

Help me to scorn shame, Lord.
Help me to root myself so completely in you
that shame has no power over me.
Help me to see the joy you have set before me, Lord.
Remind me today of your plans.
Help me to draw strength today
from the hope that your plans for me include joy.
Amen

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 12

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Psalm 103:1

There comes a time in the process of recovery when we find ourselves seeing life in an entirely different way. Along with the pain, we sense with increased clarity that life is fundamentally a good gift from God. This is the experience of gratitude. Gratitude is a kind of participation in and response to God's grace. Without it, recovery would be a cheerless, and probably impossible journey.

The experience of gratitude is a response of our inmost being to God's grace. When gratitude breaks through, we are able to stop our frantic efforts to earn our way through life. In these moments of calm we see that our inmost being belongs to God. We are God's creation. Sometimes that is all we need. Other times this thought that we are God's creation is so far beyond all we could ever have asked, hoped or dreamed for, that our heart fills with praise and joy.

It is difficult to explain how, or why, or when gratitude comes. Sometimes we try to force gratitude on ourselves. Sometimes other people try to force it on us. But it cannot be coerced. It will not come from pretending. It will not come from telling ourselves that some people are worse off than we are. But it does come. And, when it comes, it breaks through our pain and surprises us with joy.

We cannot insist on gratitude today. But we can remind ourselves that we are God's creation. And we can wait for a new awareness of God's grace to surprise us with joy.

Give me a capacity for gratitude today, Lord.
Break through the clouds of pain in my life.
Surprise me with joy.
Fill my soul, my inmost being, with gratitude for life
and with praise to you.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 13

Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light
a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when
she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice
with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there
is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.
Luke 15:8

God rejoices when we turn away from our self-destructive way of life toward a grace-full way of life. God rejoices.

The process of recovery begins when we are able by God's grace to recognize that our efforts to be God -- to control, to make things perfect -- have failed. When this happens we are able to face clearly the behaviors which have been destructive to ourselves and others. We can then turn from our sin to God. Even when this process involves a long search, God rejoices when we are found.

When a child is born, it is a joyful event. Functional parents prize the child. They hold the child and talk to the child and marvel over the child. The infant does not yet contribute much to the world. It comes as a bundle of needs. But the infant brings joy simply by being.

God is our Good Father. God prizes our existence in the world. God desires to have a relationship with us. Even when we are a bundle of needs and not yet able to contribute much to the world, God rejoices over us. When we are restored, reconciled, found, it brings God joy.

God rejoices over you. God experiences joy when you are found. God throws a party when your relationship is re-established. God finds joy in you.

Lord, help me to take it in.
I can't image myself as the object of your joy.
Help me to see that you find joy in me.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 14

Remain in my love. . . I have told you this
so that my joy may be in you
and that your joy may be complete.
John 15:10-11

It is sometimes difficult to imagine joy at all. When we struggle with failure, or we are faced with our need for change or we are grieving old losses - in those times joy seems unimaginable.

But joy can come in the midst of these struggles as we learn what it means to remain in Jesus' love.

We do not have to grieve or change alone. We learn early in recovery that we will not get very far if we remain isolated. We also learn early that we need to turn to a power that is greater than ourselves. To recover we need to learn to remain -- or abide or spend time -- in the love Jesus gives us. We are loved by God. And we are loved by other people. It is in these loving relationships that we find joy.

In John 15 Jesus has been describing himself as the vine, telling us that we are branches. He is our life-line. We need to stay closely connected to him. We can no longer pretend to be self sufficient. We must daily acknowledge our need for help and relatedness.

Jesus told us this truth because he wanted us to experience joy. "Remain in my love", Jesus said, "so your joy will be complete."

Lord, help me to remain in love.
Help me not to distance myself from you or from others.
Help me to give up pretending to be self sufficient.
Help me to remember that it is in loving and in being loved
that I will find healing and joy.
Amen

Dale and Juanita Ryan

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November 15

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust".
Psalm 91:1-2

Imagine yourself traveling across a desert in the heat of the afternoon sun. You are desperate for a place to rest. You need shelter from the heat. You search the horizon for a tree or a large rock that could provide the comfort of shade.

During the process of recovery we become aware of our need for a sheltered place in which to rest. The journey can be exhausting and disorienting. But we don't know how to rest. It doesn't come naturally to us. We don't know where to find a safe shelter.

Now imagine yourself resting in God's shadow. You are sheltered, safe, at rest. The heat of the desert will not consume you because of God's protection. You can sit and rest in God's loving presence. God is a shade, a shelter, a fortress. You can draw strength and comfort from God's presence.

Rest has the potential of teaching us two essential truths. First, we are not God. God is God. We are creatures. We are limited, finite, dependent. It is a good thing to be a creature with needs. Second, when we rest we may learn in new ways that we are loved. Because we are God's children, God loves us. Not because of what we do, but simply because of who we are, we are loved.

I turn to you, Lord
from the heat of the sun
and the pressures of the journey of life.
I turn to you
for shelter
and refuge.
I want to rest in you today.
Be my shelter
O Most High.
Amen.

Dale and Juanita Ryan